What are you avoiding, when you’re not doing what you “know” is good for you?

I have been working with a trained counsellor recently, unpicking some entrenched behaviour I have going on.

One example is where I avoid tackling the tasks that help me get to where I say I want to go.

Another example of this is making my problem to be about what someone else is doing wrong.

This process of inquiry has been extremely painful at times, and required me to confront things on a multitude of levels.

Business Development Coaches and Sales Trainers sometimes use the term “self-limiting belief” to describe avoidance or stalling behaviour.

If you’re struggling to change your behaviour I don’t think that term is particularly helpful.

It implies that you know what’s holding you back, and can possibly do something about it.

What if you don’t?

What if despite all the courses, forums, coaching and negotiating, you’re still stuck?

Is this where a greater level of self-inquiry is needed?

Before you jump in to getting help that’s not useful, you might want to give yourself some time and ask, what am I really avoiding?

Is it fear of not being good enough?

Is it fear of standing out, and possibly rejection?

Are you worried that what you are choosing to do next, isn’t really “you” and you’ll disappoint or hurt other people if you do something different?

Honesty is really painful, and the truth sometimes buried.

But that level of intense questioning and reflection has really helped me.