Stop puffing up your profession. What do you do, really?

I was listening to James Valentine this week on abc radio and almost choked I laughed so much.  He had a segment about the one or two key phrases that can sum up any job. He asked his audience: after years of honing your expertise, and earning multiple degrees, what do you actually spend most of your time doing or saying? It’s a funny question. One of my clients, a super smart Trademark Attorney, once told me she just wrote slightly threatening letters to people all day. Me, I help people find jobs. Here’s what James’ listeners said:

Antique Dealer

Furniture removalist (usually interstate)

Concreter

“We dig holes and fill them back up again.”

Plant Propagator

“We root them and shoot them.”

Customer Service – telecommunications

“We’re working on it.”

IT Support

“Have you turned it off and on again?”

Emergency Nurse

“Take your clothes off.”

Pathology Collector

“I stab people all day.”

Flight Attendant

“Would you like to buy something from the menu?”

Hotel Manager

“What flavor would you like?”

“Sorry we can’t serve you anymore.”

“You’re not the first person to call me that.”

HR Manager

Staff member: “Can I do x with employee y?”

HR Manager: “It depends.”

Lawyer

When unsure of the law in a particular scenario: “I need to take further instructions from my client.”

Psychologist

“Well, how do you feel about that?”

Me

“Can you give me a specific example of when you’ve done that?”

“No, I mean a person, time, place or thing.”

Tagged as: HR speak